Discuss Your Problem

Colours are really Colourful

2007-07-24T01:08:00.000-07:00

Ever thought about the color of your tie, or car or walls of your bedroom!! Color is important since it gets an emotional response from people and can really effect how you look.

Have you, as a person of normal prudence, ever given a thought to the following mind – boggling questions:

Why the people in judiciary should wear black coloured coat/gown?

What are the reasons for wearing green coloured clothes for a doctor in Operation Theater?

Why the Government of Delhi had to ban Red line city bus service, whereas in Mumbai every city bus is painted red?

Why a bride should wear red clothes, a set of red bangles (choora) on her arms, lipstick, nail polish and mehndi all in shades of red.

Why rental cars, school buses have yellow (yellow) as a colour?

Colour preferences for an individual are innate. Each person is born with an attraction for a particular colour. Colors not only enhance the appearance -- they also influence our behaviour. It’s to our advantage to consider the responses to color, both physiological and psychological.

In science, colours are simply lights of different wavelengths. Passing light through a prism has spectrum of seven colours in the order of their wavelengths/frequencies. This spectrum is popularly known as VIBGYOR (Violet, Indigo, Blue, Green, Yellow, Orange, Red). These colours can be divided into:

Cool colors: (green, blue, violet) are associated with water, sky and foliage and generally indicate calm/coolness.

Warm colors: (red, orange, yellow) are associated with fire and the sun and generally indicate warmth and activity.

The violet colour has the shortest wavelength and the highest frequency.

The Red colour has the highest wavelength and shortest frequency. It produces feelings of arousal while blue generates feelings of tranquility and well being and had a calming effect.

Investigations have shown that Pressure increases under red light and decreases under the blue light.

Red colour has many virtues. It makes people unaware of how much time is passing and is therefore the colour of choice of casinos and bars. Studies have shown that red makes food more aromatic and entices people into eating more.

Conversely people refuse to eat blue tinted foods. People have natural aversion to eating something blue.

Green is the balance between cool and warm rays.

Research in plants and animals have demonstrated that plants grown under red glass were found to shoot up four times quicker that those grown in ordinary sun light and grow much more slowly under blue glass.

In 1990, scientists reported successful use of blue light in the treatment of a wide variety of psychological problems, including addictions, eating disorders, impotence and depression.

At the other end of the colour spectrum, red light has been shown to be effective in the treatment of migraine headache and cancer.

Yellow is the colour that the eyes register the quickest. Even a single row of yellow marigold growing outside a home for sale will hasten the payments of deposits. Since yellow also signals caution, it is preferred for rental cars, school buses and taxis but not for banks. Temperamental artists, opera singers, writers and musicians explode the quickest in yellow rooms.

Wealthiest persons prefer forest green and burgundy.

Weight loss programmes are more successful when foods are eaten while looking at blue decoration.

Astrology, the knowledge in our ancient scriptures can provide answers to various questions about colours. In astrology, each planet and each zodiacal sign signifies a colour. Recently, there was a lot of talk about the ‘Shani Amavasya’ and the planet ‘Shani”. Black, blue and indigo colours are represented by planet Saturn. Saturn causes delays and is a planet of endurance, perseverance, self-control, sense of duty towards almighty and man, precaution in all matters. Saturn applies pressures. In judiciary, stake involved is very high. Even death or heavy losses may be the result of imprudent judgment made in haste. Wearing black clothes means all people connected with judiciary are under influence of planet Saturn. By doing this, it is ensured that no undue haste is shown in judging a dispute and decisions are made only after taking due precaution in weighing all pros and cons of subject matter.

Astrologically, Green colour is assigned to planet Mercury. Mercury rules over central nervous system. It is a planet of intelligence and is responsible for retentive power.

Doctor in an operation theatre is like a god for a patient. Slight negligence may be disastrous and may cause havoc. Doctor while performing operation has to maintain his/her nervous balance and can not afford to be too fast or too slow. He has to be just perfect. Mercury bestows these qualities to a doctor in green dress who is expected to be perfect.

In astrology, the colour red is represented by planet Mars. Mars is the indicator of energy both constructive and destructive. All defence forces and police come under the rule ship of Mars. It is a fact that if constructive part of Mars energy is to be made use of, it needs command of discipline. Without discipline police and force can go berserk.

Similar was the situation of Red Line bus service in Delhi, which caused havoc on Delhi roads. It took toll of large number of innocent people. There was no disciplinary agency to control Delhi city red buses. However, Mumbai has well organised and disciplined fleet of red buses and city bus service is doing exceedingly well.
In astrology if red colour is handled with care, its energy can be constructive. Due to these qualities of Mars, red is colour of celebration.

A bride wears red clothes, a set of red bangles, lipstick, nail polish and mehndi all in shades of red, as red signifies energy, ambition, success in materialist world and signifies the rich and colourful nature of married life.

Have you noticed, how many fast food restaurants use red, orange, and yellow. This is to attract the customer to the establishment and to make the food look better. Red also has a positive affect on your appetite!

Color has the power to influence our emotions, cause our bodies to undergo physical changes, and even has the power to heal. Red is such a powerful color that it can make us feel sexy, lustful, and aggressive, and can even cause our heart rates and blood pressure to rise. Blue can calm our mood, make us feel cooler, or if we are exposed to a blue environment for too long blue can cause us to become depressed.

The effect of colour on life is of great significance to human beings. Colours have language of the own being i.e. self has unlimited potential which can be explored to cross any boundary. By tapping the magical influence of colours most effectively, success and prosperity can be ensured. By blending right colours in life, there can be definite improvement in health, financial position, prosperity and popularity. In fact we can make our life colourful with colours of nature.

--Jagdish C Bisht

Laughter Tips for Relationships

2007-07-12T23:22:00.000-07:00

Laugh together for 5-10 min. each morning. Do one loving and light-hearted thing for each other each day.

Point out the day's absurdities to each other.

Seek out the humor in serious situations and share it with each other.

Put more fun into sex.

Consciously smile at each other more.
Stay playful in your interaction by keeping your voices and body language playful.

Renew your "real vows" once a week.

Take turns being responsible for the humorous thought for the day.

Giggle together right before going to sleep.

Play "Teasing Telephone Tag" by leaving outrageous messages.

Have a laughter match to see who can laugh loudest and longest.

Surround yourself with flowers. "The earth laughs in flowers." Emerson.

Practice laughing without control. Spit out food, wet your pants, wet each other's pants.

Echo each other's laugh. Laugh each time your partner laughs.

Count the number of times you laugh each day. Compete and share them.

Tell each other how much you enjoy the other's laughter and sense of humor.

Develop a fictional phone menu for different laughs. Press 1 for giggles, press 2 for chuckles, press three for guffaws, etc.

List the positive things in your day each day and read them to each other.

Play together one hour a week. Examples: Sing, dance, race each other, give exaggerated hugs, count smiling faces when driving together.

Feel happiness in making others happy

2007-07-02T04:32:00.000-07:00

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days and weeks passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.

He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."

Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.
Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.
If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.
"Today is a gift, that's why it is called the present."

Rules for A Happy Marriage Life

2007-06-01T03:48:00.001-07:00

As we have discussed in the previous article that the marriages are made in Heaven. We often say that someone is made for you somewhere and when you come across that person, you yourself feel that that person is made for you. It is true. Marriage is not just coming together of two persons. To sustain a happy marriage life, it is essential that there is effort from both sides by their commitment, concern, love and understanding. In an arrange marriage, boy and girl are totally unknown to each other. Love between them arose just after marriage when both of them develop a sense of caring, commitment and concern through living together, spending more time together. A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. In love marriages, after many years of courtship, problem of mental compatibility do exists because when the love birds meet before marriage, they are at their best to impress each other and they develop the habit of seeing each other at their best. But after marriage gradually they slip into their natural self and at that time they have to accept each other as they are. In most of the cases the real self is not what they wanted to see and then begins the contradiction with the person whom they have loved with whom they have to spend their life. So it is important that when you love a person, love him or her the way he or she is and not the way you want him or her to be. Than only you can be happy. The happiness in life after marriage depends upon the husband and wife, the life partners, how they make their life happy. If they want to keep happy all the time; they have to follow certain rules. Some of the rules are as under:

1. Never both be angry at the same time

When the actual life begins, partners start facing problems and at times they start arguments. You have to keep this in your mind that when your partner is angry try to keep yourself cool. There is a saying in Hindi, “Ek ne kahi dooje ne maani, Nanak keh gaye dono gyani” means if one has said something and other has followed the same, both would be known as literates and there would be no quarrel.

2. Never bring up mistakes of the past

Stop criticizing each other quoting mistakes of the past. This will lead to an unending quarrel.

3. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled

When the partners start an argument, they should not go to bed without settling the same otherwise the same would prolong and would lead to other arguments.

4. Don’t forget to use words like ‘sorry’ ‘thank you’

If you have committed a mistake, you should not forget to say sorry. If your partner has done something for you, never forget to say ‘thanks’.

5. Learn to forgive mistakes of other

Should always forget the mistakes of your partner and forgive him or her.

6. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire

You should not shout at each other at the same time otherwise it would be difficult to close the argument and others will enjoy the show.

7. If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate

Try to find happiness in losing with your partner and let him or her be happy winning the argument.

8. At lease once a day, try to say something complimentary to your spouse

You should understand that gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.

9. Never meet without an affectionate welcome

An affectionate welcome to each other would let other know how much you care each other.

10. If you really love your partner, don’t hesitate, express your love

It is always good to hear that your partner loves you.

11. Neglect the whole world rather than each other

Try to give as much as time possible to each other, understand each other, share everything with each other.

12. If you must criticize, do it lovingly

If you really differ with your partner on something, try to point out to your partner in gentle words so that he or she should not feel bad.

13. If you have done something wrong, admit it and ask for forgiveness

Mistakes are generally committed by the partners but try to admit your mistakes and don’t forget to ask for forgiveness. It is always great to forgive your partner to strengthen your relationship.

14. Remember it takes two to make a quarrel

Try to develop a habit of being good listener. If your partner is shouting, don’t participate with him or her.

15. Rejoice in every moment that God has given you together

If you are living a happy life together, don’t forget to say thanks to God.

16. Let love be your guidepost

Live is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.

17. Share your life, your hopes and your dreams with your spouse

18. Commit to your marriage

It is as simple as making the decision to be totally committed to your spouse and to the relationship.

19. Give full respect to each other

It is very important to give respect to your partner, respect each other’s decisions, wishes, desires and dreams.

20. Change yourself but not your identity

Try to adjust with your partner, if necessary change yourself according to the need of the hour but don’t change your identify.

What is Marriage?

2007-06-01T01:13:00.000-07:00

A marriage is an interpersonal relationship with legal, social and religious recognition which unites a man and a woman as hunband and wife. This relationship is based on trust, understanding, care, truth, concern, commitment, togetherness and the most important factor is love. There is a saying that marriages are made in Heaven but remember that a successful marriage depends on two things – finding the right person and being the right person. Since husband and wife both are life partners, they should give effort to understand each other and develop mental compatibility. A happy marriage life calls for constant commitment and concern for each other.

Marriage is an institution which can join together people’s lives in emotional and economic ways. Marriage can also lead to the formation of a new household.

What is Wedding?

The ceremony in which a marriage is enacted and announced to the community is called a wedding. Wedding ceremony typically includes some sort of pledge by the community to support the couple’s relationship and couple take pledge to support each other.

What is an Arranged Marriage?

Arranged marriage is a marriage facilitated by formal procedures of family or group politics. Marital partners are mostly chosen by others like parents, family friends or relatives, a religious official or a group of consensus. This type of marriage may be arranged for the union of families or other interests, love is not a universal prerequisite for marriage. After the declaration of marriage, engagement takes place followed by formal marriage ceremony. This type of marriages are basically dowry based.

What is Civil Marriage?

A wedding in which the participants marry in the eyes of the law is called a civil marriage.

What is a Religious Marriage?

A wedding in which a religious ceremony is held. It may be in addition to Civil ceremony.

(In the next episode, we will discuss the rules for happy marriage life and problems after marriage)

How to Reduce Worrying

2007-05-30T04:32:00.000-07:00

Till now you have practiced worrying a lot. Now start learning how you can reduce worrying by following steps:

Catch the worry as soon as it begins.
Observe the time, place and things that causes worry.
Try to get yourself busy in some other work as soon as worry begins.
Try to avoid places, things that causes worry.
Try to develop making good and like-minded friends and share your problems/worry with them.
You have practised worrying a lot, now try to reduce this practice and start thinking positive about things and events happening around you.
Now you start thinking positive and have confidence in you that you can stop worrying by practicing newly created thoughts.
Relax your body, try to create a sense of calmness and peacefulness. Focus your attention on your breathing everytime you exhale or inhale. Say yourself "Relax", "Calm", "Peace". Let the gentle and mild thoughts enter your body and let worrisome thoughts go.

What is Worry?

2007-05-29T04:42:00.000-07:00

Worry refers to negative self-talk that often distracts the mind from focusing on the problem at hand. Worrying is a lasting preoccupation with past or future bad events. A well accepted theory of anxiety suggests that anxiety consists of two components; worry and emotionality. Emotionality refers to physiological symptoms such as sweating, increased heart beat and raised blood pressure.

At times, worry can create emotional stress. One can find oneself thinking about past events that were depressing or anxiety-provoking at the time they happened. One can think about all kinds of future events that might happen and which would make one feel badly if they did.

This is how at times, for no obvious reason, one just can't stop thinking about such negative things. Every time when one think about those negative things, his/her body reacts just as if the event were actually happening or about to happen.

For example, when students become anxious during examination, they always think negative as they are going to fail, or when they will appear in exam, they will not remember the text or their teacher will get mad at them. This negative thinking do not let them focus on the exam as the speech areas of the brain that are needed to complete the examination questions, are being used for worrying.

Take another example, recall the last time someone criticized you or said something hurtful, or think about a friend acting in an unkind way towards you in the future. The more you think about these happening, the worse you feel. The amazing thing about thinking of such events is that they are not actually happening right now. They exist only in your mind. Yet how you feel right now is being influenced by something that no longer exists or does not yet exist.

Worry can also refer to a feeling of concern about someone else's condition. For instance, a mother may say "I'm worried" if her child doesn't show up at home when he was supposed to be there. The parents also worry about the performance of their children in examinations, for their career and also for their well being.

All these negative thinkings are very dangerous for health. More you think about these happenings, negative thoughts, you can make yourself depressed or anxious.

Facts about Anxiety and Worry

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the world. Most of the people are facing Anxiety disorders nowadays.
People with an anxiety disorder are three to five times more likely to go to the doctor and six times more likely to be hospitalized for psychiatric disorders than non-sufferers.
Women are twice as likely as men to be afflicted with generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder.
Anxiety is the most common symptom of patients seeing a psychiatrist or a psychologist.

When you Worry too much

Many people while doing straight things, start thinking negatively and they start worrying. Most people will worry if an unpleasant event has just happened and it involved something or some very important to them. Suddenly loosing your money while travelling in a bus or train, having a hurtful argument with someone close to you or even at a work place e.g. with your boss, having an automobile accident, your child has not reached home in time, or making a mistake, will naturally result in your mind trying to cope with the feelings that those events aroused.

Similarly, you will probably worry if a highly probable unwanted event is coming your way. Your mind may try to work out how to avoid a bad outcome if:

You have to drive in very bad weather
A sudden large expense occurs due to some festival, marriage, education of your children or anything else
There is real evidence that your spouse is no longer as loving as he/she used to be
You are facing an important challenge at work or in your social life where poor performance on your part is a real possibility
Your children are appearing in an important examination
Your career is not going in right direction

So in general, worry is maadaptive if the things you worry about are not very likely to happen. Even for future bad events that are quite likely to happen, worry may not be useful and will simply cause additional disturbance. This is the case when you have done all the problem solving, you can do before the event and there is nothing more to do about it. Of course, it is natural for the mind to periodically be reminded about the upcoming event until it is over. But if you have done all you can reasonably do in preparation for it, to continue to allow yourself to constantly think about it merely causes more distress and interference with the rest of your life. So, although the worrying here may be natural, it is not helpful, and applying methods to reduce it, would be useful.

It is important to know that worrying is a habit. A habit is something that is repeatedly involuntarily. Habits are developed because you have practiced doing them so often that you just start doing them without being aware of it. It is better to leave this bad habit and one should think alway positive and should try to see the brighter side of the picture.

You are invited to share your problems

2007-05-28T04:27:00.000-07:00

What is a Problem?

Problem is a state of difficulty that needs to be resolved.

How to Solve a Problem?

If you want to solve a problem, you have to understand what the problem exactly is, where the root cause of the problem lie. One has to focus one's full attention on the problem.

Some old saying is that as much as we share our problem/worry, we get relieved of the problem.

I personally believe that if anybody analyse oneself and sincerely try to understand what exactly the cause of the problem is, one would definitely get a solution for the problem.

I also believe that if we listen patiently anybody's problem, we would be able to help him by some way or the other.

I sincerely invite you people to use this forum to resolve problems of people so that at least some if not many get relieved of their problems.